Are You Addicted to Fear?

I had a big aha moment last week when a well loved client had her inner wimp out tap dancing on the table.

As the wimp tapped loudly she made a lot of noise but was really only treading the same old boards out of habit.

I realised just like drugs, alcohol and anything else toxic that become a negative due to overuse, habits often cover fear. This creates a vicious circle because our egos love fear. Above all our ego hates change. This gives our ego a vested interest in keeping us dancing on the spot.

Fear and ego are a formidable force and continue to provide rational reasons not to do things.

Once addicted our fear and ego begins to dominate our destiny.

Eventually we overuse fear to the point of addiction.

Not such a bad thing if the behaviour we get addicted to is positive because initially that at least creates forward movement. But when the behaviour is negative it results in a downward spiral.

Unless we create some sort of intervention program, the problem only becomes worse.

You know you are addicted to fear if you:

* Are not moving forward

* Under charging

* Over giving

* Feeling frustrated that things aren’t working out for you

* Know your actions (or lack of them) are limiting your potential

* Start believing the excuses you create to cover your actions or inactions

* Listen to your negative voice instead of ignoring it

* Have a great message or service that isn’t getting to enough people

FEAR is the root cause of all these points and this is the short list. There are a thousand things we are addicted to that hold us back.

However I believe the fear list can be distilled down to seven core items

1. Fear of failure

2. Fear of success

3. Fear of being judged

4. Fear of getting out of your comfort zone.

5. Fear of not being good enough

6. Fear of getting the things you actually want

7. Fear of your own greatness and light

All these fears are driven by internal voices that frankly just churn out a bunch of lies about you 24/7.

Call the voices whatever you like – the monkey voice - inner wimp – inner vandal – inner critic – inner “holding you back from being who you really are” hooligan ……. there are a thousand “inners” who stop us in our tracks.

After a while though the voices become comfortable friends that give us an excuse for not accomplishing all the things we want to do. Once that happens, your fear is now an addiction.

Addiction comes in many forms and there are many theories, including 12 step programs that assist people to break through their addiction.

I know for myself I attended a Debtors Anonymous meeting and experienced the full hit of facing myself head on in a 12 Step program. As I spoke the words “I’m Margaret and I have a problem with debt”…..and heard the response back “Hi Margaret” …. I knew I had gone too far.

My problem came because I set out on a crazy journey of self discovery, following a dream that was probably best left in the “do with more resources” pile. I didn’t start out with the right knowledge to go from a salary earner to someone who had to sell themselves to make a living. By the time I got the right knowledge I was way out of control and was addicted to maxing out credit cards.

I knew that I had to overcome the addiction because it was holding me back.

My first step was to recognise I had a problem and then I had to look at the root cause because the debt was only a symptom. The real truth of the problem was that I was addicted to expensive personal development workshops. I kept going to them to get validation and they kept selling me another course. I had found the source of the problem. An out of control positive habit and the fear of not being good enough.

The hard core reality check that meeting gave me sent me cold turkey and made me accept I had just been repeating my old “not good enough” inner talk. Once I got that I understood I could at least stop the debt growing by accepting that I didn’t need others to tell me I was worthy of personal and business success.

It was time to set up my own courses and start teaching and silence that vicious inner wimp that was keeping me from helping others.

Now if I attend a course I ask three golden questions:

1. Is this educating a weakness or a strength?

2. Will I come out with a tangible skill

3. Are my guts churning? If they are, I know I’m facing a fear.

If not, then I have probably learnt the information already and haven’t been brave enough to put the knowledge into action, or my ego is keeping me in line.

Either way I take an action that will pull me into discomfort because I know that’s where the growth is. I have found facing fear in this manner and walking straight through it clears the fear. But you have to keep facing your fear long term.

Good learning will make your guts churn because it puts you outside your comfort zone where you don’t know the answers. It will also place you with people who challenge and inspire you, not people who are churning out what you want to hear and making you feel all warm and fuzzy.

I was told at one of those fancy PD events, “Margaret once isn’t good enough - you need to climb a mountain of fear every day”. I had just exhausted myself overcoming the very real fear of climbing a very real mountain in a snow storm where at one point slipping on the ice and falling to your death down a ravine was a very real possibility.

There will always be another mountain of fear and that day I got to the top by taking one small step at a time. I knew if I stopped I would give up. I didn’t take breaks with the others I just kept going. I’ve found taking action certainly helps keep the wimp in line and the mountain climbable. Even in a snow storm I eventually blitzed my fear and the ego that said I couldn’t do it.

So if you are like me and you like to take action and walk through your fears then maybe I have a deal for you.

The greatest fear most people have is to speak in public.

The greatest business and personal growth building skill you can acquire is to speak in public.

I’ve also faced the fear of speaking in one hit.

I was a total wimp but knew I had to master public speaking to get my message out to more people. So my first public speaking appearance was to a roomful of my coaching peers. I just went and did it with no training. As it turned out I broke every “rule” in the book that fateful night but they loved me none the less and I’ve never looked back.

Now I help others get over the fear of speaking and I find the type of people who turn up to my Sore to SOAR speaking intensive are “just do it” wimps.

They are as scared as I was that night I spoke to my colleagues. But deep in their hearts they know they have to take a leap of faith because, like me, they figured out:

“You speak when getting your message out becomes more important than your fear”

Once you walk through a fear you realise there is nothing on the other side.

Once you speak you realise you have a tool that will give you everything on the other side along with the personal recognition you so deeply desire.

Sore to SOAR asks you to tell your personal story to six workshop participants.

Its like me speaking to coaches – it’s a safe audience because they understand how you feel. You can’t fail because you know your story backwards and the others in the group give you the encouragement to voice it.

The really interesting thing for me is that many of the natural therapists who attend the course have been drug and alcohol addicts in the past or have endured and overcome more physical and emotional abuse than most humans need to.

They turned to alternative therapies to heal their wounds and then went on to train in the modality that helped them. When you learn how to put your story into a compelling format - your story becomes your glory - and people start to understand why they need to work with you.

To date about 80% of the Sore to SOAR participants after finishing the course have either spoken to groups or set up their own small workshops and have started to stand in their own power. These are extraordinary results because most people leave workshops with great intent but fail to implement the knowledge or like me end up in courses that don’t make you take action.

My 12 step experience made me swear to create programs that really drive people do what they sign up for at least once. I think the difference with Sore to SOAR is simply that you go cold turkey. You face the fear in front of your peers and once you have mastered speaking, which is the one thing most people would rather do than die, you just go ‘pah’ and get on with it.

The effect speaking has on a small business is remarkable because it gives you opportunity to get in front of more people, you become an inspiration to others for your braveness and it opens new doors.

If you have a message inside you that is burring to get out – I’d love to help you banish your “inners” and finally feel “heard” not just in your business but in every level of your life.

The next Sore to SOAR Speaking Intensive is 26-27 June 2010 in Melbourne. It’s limited to six people. It sells out fast. Book NOW www.SoreToSoar.com